Sunday, 13 January 2013

English as you know it.

It took me about half an hour to find the "Create a New Post" button. And now, I found ye. Assalamualaikum. I am the boring Alia Hanini. Currently taking foundation of TESL in UiTM Alor Gajah and this is my last semester. This girl is trying so hard to spend her every last bits of precious time here, in Melaka. How? I haven't figured that one out yet but it'll come. 

Man, those days when I thought English was easy are definitely, undeniably, OVER. I remember when Ms. Mahirah asked any one of us to spell the word 'rendezvous'. I killed it alright. But knowing every letters in 'rendezvous' doesn't make my pointer goes any higher. It was drawn away from my expectation. Drawn far away. 'The cat drinks the milk'. You won't lay your eyes on such simple grammar here. Although they are used in a few examples. Roots of higher level of grammar. The heck was I thinking when I snapped my fingers and gave a smirk at my high school English papers while doing it. Those days are over.

Now, I'm on my bed, procrastinating as hard as I can from studying College Reading for test tomorrow. I didn't even have to study for my English papers. I have piles of files in my room now, though. For English only. Don't even get me started on MUET. I wish I had an accident and couldn't remember even the smallest piece of it. 

I know now where I stand but dude, I just want a proper job and get married and have lots of babies (okay, maybe just two) but to get just a 'proper job' needs education and sacrifice. Am I willing to sacrifice? Am I willing to give up my happiness for an education to get this 'proper job'? Yes. Yes, I am. I'm willing to do so. In the meantime I have to held my head up high and think about a caravan I will own someday. Believe it or not, I will travel the whole world (well, maybe across Asia) with my homies (my cats) and we'll poop together across the nation.

Okay, I really really have to go and study now. Till we meet again next time. Assalamualaikum. Don't forget Maghrib!

Friday, 6 April 2012

Why I don't need any special boyfriend.

Assalamualaikum. Shout out to all my lost boys! First-class Friday it is.  Couple of minutes earlier, I texted my girlfriend. I asked her on what should I type in here since I left it in the lurch for months. And then she was like, "Why don't you talk about reasons on why you don't need a special boyfriend?" and I was like, "Awesome heading!" or something I can't remember. So here goes nothing.

For your information, I have been single for 4 months now. Show me some mercy for I am still a beginner, sifu *bow* Who would've thought an adolescent girl like me would end up single and still sturdy. I used to be that dependent girl who likes to rely everything on her boyfriend's shoulder. I trusted him with all my soul. But you know what they say, "Don't hope too much, because that too much can hurt you so much".

Enough already with the drama, let's move on. So, why don't I need that special someone? To begin with, I got back up. Read that right. "Whaddya mean by back up? You got SWAT or something?". Well, no. By back up, I meant my nearest and dearest, my own flesh and blood. And even my ex, playing the role of my best friend now. They are the only ones that are willing to stand up for me, to be familiar with me yet bear me with the way I am. No, not that bear. Accept is probably the right word. If I experienced dilemmas and obstacles, why should I fuss about it to my 'beloved boyfriend' or so they say, instead of weighing up the pros and cons of it and finding the solution? I really don't see what's the deal about that. Just imagine, exchanging views with countless friends and family members than your only 'inamorato' or 'bf' or 'toy boy'. Ops.

Tears don't fall. Why should I even fritter away by wasting my tears over someone who doesn't have a right to win me? Cliche, I know. But it's a real life fact. I could've wasted my tears on those orphans, or those abandoned parents, or that legless cat ( That one is no joke. That cat is amazing *applause* Some might say, "Easier said than done". Yes. I feel you. I have been through all of these stumbling blocks since I was in form 2. I might lack of experiences about this, but I guarantee you, relationships don't have endings. So to whoever who stated "I know everything that you could possibly know about relationships", please look me in the eye. YOU ARE DEAD WRONG. Dear girls or maybe boys (?), don't cry. You know why? Because you look ugly when you weep. Kidding. Just say "Thank you dear sir/madam" to that fuck face and walk away like a boss. Yeah. That's how you do it.

Thereafter, no strings attached. You like that? Me too. Correction; by no strings attached, I'm not saying you can flirt with any soul you want. God no. You do that and you might end up with some Johnny Cash chasing your ass off with hopes as high as the Himalayas. Here's an info; don't give hopes randomly to boys you just met. I did that a gazillion times. I wish I never did. Back to the point. Don't you wish to befriend with, everyone? Woefully, some source didn't approve that. Guess who? See what I'm trying to state here? That pepatah melayu of 'berkawan biar seribu, berkasih biar satu' might not seem to be functioning at all. How can you 'berkawan beribu' when that 'satu' comes along and suddenly transforms into a party pooper. See what I mean?

No dough wasted. That means no money will grow wings and fly up up and away from you. You earn money. Why on earth would you spend them on someone who makes you weep every fucking day? You wasted your cash and sobbing on him/her and eventually what did you get? Nothing? Exactly. Wake up from your daydream. There's not a single soul that can give out money for free to you. Unless you, yourself. Or your folks. Spend those dough on yourself. You deserve some breaks from the heartbreaks. Now it rhymes.

What I really want to say is that I'm not ready. I'm not ready for any commitment. I'm not ready to howl my eyes out at night. I'm not ready to be yelled at. I'm not ready to brief about my personal life. I'm not ready to share predicaments. I'm not ready to open up my stigma (aib). I'm not ready to love people more than I love myself. I'm not ready. I'm just not.

So there you go. My respond on 'Why I don't need any special boyfriend'.